To Steal a Dead Body
by cimmimon
Summary: What happens when you mix and angry moon princess, a stolen body in a duffel bag, an earth prince, a sailor scout, a changed general, and two dark generals, and an unknown amount of knives and damage. Chaos. A collection of one-shots most of them are connected to one another.
1. Chapter 1

_**Ages:**_

 _ **Usagi/Serenity/Moon- 19**_

 _ **Minako/Venus- 19**_

 _ **Ami/Mercury- 18**_

 _ **Rei/Mars- 18**_

 _ **Makoto/Jupiter- 22**_

 _ **Zoisite- 19**_

 _ **Jadeite- 21**_

 _ **Malachite- 24**_

 _ **Nephrite- 22**_

 _ **Mamoru/Endymion/Mask-22**_

 _ **Don't own Sailor Moon, wish I did but I didn't so rights to Sailor Moon go to original creators.**_

* * *

Loud banging could be heard in the next room from where Usagi was sleeping in Mamoru's bed. Loud crashes, shouts, and bangs ringing through the apartment. Thankfully the apartment was somewhat soundproof from neighbours. Usagi, having had a terrible long three days of school, fighting youma, and having a five paper essay due the next day, you can tell that she had not gotten a lot of sleep. Add on to the fact the her boyfriend and past life lover and one of his generals looking like they were up to something, Usagi was tired beyond anything. Cranky and feeling like a bitch in that moment she crawled from beneath the covers and slowly walked through the dark room to get to the door of the room. Opening it up to a dark hallway she could hear the shouts and noises disturbing her from sleep that she barely got the past three days, she walked down the hall. Once entering the living room she could see what was happening with disdain.

( 1 hour earlier with the idiots who decided it was a great idea to steal a "corpse")

"So are you sure he is still alive and not dead?" a deep voice questioned from the shadows the pillar was casting.

"Yes, and he is kept in a sleep induced prison," another deep voice answered the question sounding close by to the first voice.

"What's the plan?" whispered a third voice sounding female. "Do we just grab him and stuff him in the duffel bag, or are we just going to carry him out?"

"Yes to the first one, is there any guards that you can sense?" whispered the second voice.

"Not that I can tell, and if there are we can just grab him stuff him in the bag and run. They shouldn't follow us for that long," the first voice said.

"Alright let's grab us a dead body!" the third voice whispered shouted in excitement.

"He's not dead!" the first and second voice shout whispered at her. "Let's go!" the first voice ordered.

Three shadows could be seen dashing silently and fast towards where said body of the man they wished to shove in the duffle bag the third voice held. As they neared they didn't notice the four set of eyes that focused on them. With whispered angry shouts and threats at each other as they tried to shove the body inside the body sized bag an attack of dark energy almost hit them all. Looking up the first and third voice left the job of getting the body inside the bag while they took care of this threat. Few seconds of fighting went by and lights flickered on alerting everyone someone was inside the room you can now see who was in the room. The second voice trying to stuff the body inside the bag could be seen as Nephrite in his white uniform with green trimmings stuffing the "comatosed" body of Jadeite who was in a grey uniform with black trimmings. The same uniform of the two generals Malachite and Zoisite, who were fighting the first and third voice who were now revealed to be Endymion and Venus. Venus in her senshi uniform with whip in hand ready to fight, and Endymion in his cobalt armor with silver accents and broad sword in his hand fighting Malachite. Venus taking on Zoisite with his crystals.

"Alright he is in the bag let's go before Beryl's other minions get here!" Nephrite shouted to his two companions. Quickly making a retreat while dodging attacks from the two dark generals while half carrying half dragging a practically dead dark general towards where they came from. "Get back here" could be heard shouted across the dark kingdoms base.

Making it to the apartment living room dropping the bag with the dead like dark general inside into a corner and plopped on the couch. All very tired not wanting to move until a dark energy nalst and crystals came flying towards them. Barely dodging both attacks the still transformed heros started attacking them back. Leading to the couch being turned over as a cover from projectiles for the superheros and the kitchen table flipped over providing the same use as the couch for the two dark generals. Objects broken and pictures on the wall falling down. The T.V cracked and both sides wanting to destroy the other and take the sleeping general for themselves. Curses being thrown at each other like the words would hurt more than the weapons and power being thrown at each other.

This is where we find Usagi angry with everything at the moment for not getting proper rest from the past three days, staring at everyone fighting. Getting tired of it all she decided to end it. Going into the kitchen being unnoticed by everyone even the generals in the dining room next to the kitchen. Grabbing a couple of knives from the drawer, Usagi then walks towards the center of the conflict.

"ENOUGH!" With that shout everyone seemed to pause. Looking to where it came from they can see a very angry Usagi. Even the dark generals seemed scared of the small moon princess. "I am trying to sleep, having finished my paper couple of hours ago, staying up for almost three days straight from school and fighting the fucking dark kingdom! Do you fucking know how tired I am right now. And all you fucking assholes are in here fighting each other and for what!" the tiny women yelled at the group of reincarnated people waving around a bunch of knives as she said each word. Surprised at the use of her language everyone was speechless. "I want all of you to put the couch back right and sit down in a chair or the couch or so help me by the moon I will make you live in a world of pain!" she continued.

The dark general Malachite was going to refute her looking very amused and tell her she did not have the power to order him around was met with a very accurate throw of a knife the barely touched his cheek. With that one knife throw everyone started to grab a seat on the now upright couch or chair. Though no one wanted to admit it, they all were very scared of the raging petite moon princess. "Now that is all settled tell me why you three are in combat gear, why these two are here and what is in the duffle bag in the corner!" silence fell after her order. Very annoyed at the moment she shouted towards her lover, "Any day now or do I need to throw another knife at you guys!"

"Eh, no need usako, he he. We umm. Shit," the prince starred not knowing what to say to the his princess that he has never seen angry to this point before. "Well, we decided to get Jadeite back, bring him back into my service instead of that witch's. These two decided to follow us and now we are here," he rushed seeing her eyes burn brighter in anger.

"You mean to tell me," knife thrown towards the duffle bag and another towards Zoisite who yelped at the incoming projectile coming at his face in an alarming rate. "That you three idiots, decided to go to the dark kingdom," another knife thrown and the incapacitated Jadeite still in the bag with now two knives in him and two that almost hit Nephrite who was sitting next to Malachite who also almost been hit by that knife and one now at the feet of Endymion. "Stole a dead body of a fallen comrade, brought two brainwashed evil generals into this apartment," Knives being thrown towards everyone not knowing where all these knives were coming from. "On a night that I could finally get some sleep at, at 3 in the morning?" she stressed. The knife count being of eight in Jadeite who still was asleep, 18 behind everyone stuck in the wall and a couple in between everyone's shoulder of the people sitting on the couch.

"Yes," everyone said not wanting anymore knives thrown. Especially that towards Jadeite who couldn't protect himself from the projectiles. Endymion, slowly rising from the couch with his hands up in the air and walked up towards the still fuming moon princess and took the knives out of her hands. Reaching behind him to hand the knives to whoever could grab them to get them away from the crazed small girl. Grabbing her by the shoulders he brought her into his arms and sat back down on the couch. WIth the way things went strangely the silver crystal was not used to heal the other two generals that were awake in the room. It seemed that Usagi's rage brought them back from the "dark" side out of Beryl's control.

After a few minutes of silence and not wanting to disturb the girl sleeping in the prince's arms at the moment a loud muffled groan could be heard from the bag Jadeite was in. Everyone's head shot in his direction, having long forgotten about the man inside the bag. Slowly getting up Venus or now out of her armor Minako, got up from the chair next to the couch to walk over to the bag when a hand grabbed her arm to stop her from walking. Looking down she saw it was Malachite who stopped her from going further with a shake of his head. Sitting back down in her seat, both Nephrite and Zoisite walked over to the bag and gently pulled the knives out from his back and unzipped the bag. Rolling out came a bloodied Jadeite muttering curses from the pain of the knives.

An hour later with a bandaged Jadeite loaded up on drugs sitting in Minako's chair, a sleeping moon princess in the lap of the earth prince, Minako sitting on Malachite's lap both sitting in the middle of Nephrite and the royal couple, Zoisite sitting in a chair next to Jadeite watching a very early showing of a cartoon on the cracked T.V screen in silence. Making a silent agreement not to tell anyone how Mamoru's apartment got trashed when asked about it and how all the generals deflected from Beryl's grasp. In a couple of hours they would head down to the arcade where Motoki was and order coffee with a lot of sugar and sit there for most of the day not talking to anyone until they went back to clean the apartment, or when a youma decided to attack.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ages:**_

 _ **Usagi/Serenity/Moon- 19**_

 _ **Minako/Venus- 19**_

 _ **Ami/Mercury- 18**_

 _ **Rei/Mars- 18**_

 _ **Makoto/Jupiter- 22**_

 _ **Zoisite- 19**_

 _ **Jadeite- 21**_

 _ **Malachite- 24**_

 _ **Nephrite- 22**_

 _ **Mamoru/Endymion/Mask-22**_

 _ **Don't own Sailor Moon, wish I did but I didn't so rights to Sailor Moon go to original creators. So I continued on this "Crack" fic train and did another part of the first chapter part of my verse: To Steal a Dead Body... Hope you enjoy! -Cimmimon**_

Couple of nights earlier…..

It was in a middle of a battle against a youma that Nephrite appeared from thin air to watch the battle play out. Right now there was Sailor Moon, Sailor Venus and Tuxedo Mask all who knew their past identities from days prior with an explosion from the silver and gold crystal but that's a story for another time most likely to be told. Currently the other scouts couldn't make it for they all had been caught up in a trap they couldn't escape.

Sailor Moon was charging up her wand which in reality to her was just stupid but who was she to turn down an all powerful weapon? She was about to attack the monster when Venus was attacked by Nephrite in self defense to her trying to chain him. Scared for her friends life Moon pointed the wand towards the "dark" general forgetting the spell she was charging up on. A large blast of light shot out in the sky right at Nephrite who had no time to dodge taking the full blow of the attack. The youma had disappeared after seeing this to report to his queen with the energy stolen and the news of Nephrites death.

Nephrite hit the ground with a loud thud as the two sailor scouts and Tuxedo Mask came to surround him. "Oh God I killed him!" Usagi mumbled in disbelief as the other two looked at her with equal shock.

"Oh God I killed him!" Usagi said louder the repercussions of her words and actions finally hitting her.

Mask looked at her with worry as Venus looked at the dead body of Nephrite. "We need to hide his body before anyone comes over here."

Moon and Mask looked at her with open mouths, "What you want to explain this one to the authorities, I mean come on he was an actual human being not a monster that can turn to dust when they die. I'm not taking the fall on this one guys I mean I'm not the one who hit him with a blast of pure energy that one is all Usagi."

"You can't just blame this all on me, I mean you two would be my accomplices in the murder anyway you were here when I killed him and you guys did nothing," Usagi argues crossing her arms over her chest.

"I am not getting charged with helping a murder I have a career in progress at the moment and I don't think Mamoru would want this charge on his record," Minako looked at the dead body of Nephrite again. "Well if none of us want to get arrested for murder even if he was bad, we still need a place to keep him until we can bury him and it's not going to be my place."

Mamoru looked at both girls then to the body, "He's coming to my place isn't he?"

"Yes," the girls said in unison causing the man to groan in desperation.

"Alright fine, though we should leave now the people are gathering since we stayed out so long after an attack." He lifted Nephrite over his shoulders in a fireman carry following after the two blondes on their way to his place.

Getting there was no problem they had no issues as they flew across the rooftops to his apartment building. Landing in the alley way they walked through the doors not wanting to be seen in broad daylight entering his apartment balcony. The received a lot of stares as they crossed the lobby and into the elevators. Getting out of the elevators and into the hallway they heard moans coming out of the body that was over Mamoru's shoulders. Looking at each other they speed walked to his apartment door and entered closing the door behind them just as quickly as they opened it.

Mamoru dumped him on the couch as they waited to see what happened next.

"Did I really kill him?" Usagi went to poke him. Chocolate brown eyes snapped open scaring Usagi to stand behind her boyfriend and best friend.

He slowly sat up with a hand to his head as he stared at the three other occupants of the room. "Where am I?"

"Oh crap, we didn't kill him."

"WE! Your the one who blasted him with your fucking light show of a magic wand!" Minako snapped at the other blonde behind her.

"Well I mean if you and him hadn't been fighting I wouldn't have been distracted and hadn't pointed the moon stick at him," Usagi explained herself as the two men stared at him.

"You shot me?" a male voice sounded in distress

"What!" Usagi whipped her head in Nephrite's direction. "I mean it was by accident."

"You still shot me and it hurt."

"Well I didn't mean to I mean I shouldn't be sorry your part of the Dark Kingdom hellbent on destroying the planet."

"But still you shot me and I'm not even dead from it."

"Let's stop this pointless bickering we won't get anywhere with it. How about a truce you leave this apartment and return to the Dark Kingdom and we all forget this happened?" Minako suggested to him looking between everyone for approval.

"Why would I want to stay in that hell hole when I remember everything that had happened in the past?" Nephrite asked tilting his head at the moon princess hoping to gain her sympathy.

"Ahhhh, can we keep him Mamoru? Please?" And she fell for the bait, typical.

"No we don't even know if we can trust what he is saying." He replied glaring at the ex-dark general.

"But I am completely trustworthy your majesty," Nephrite looked at him with pleading eyes. "I promise to be good!"

"That's, that's not what I'm worried about. Are you sure you're not connected to the dark kingdom anymore?"

"I swear it on my entire life."

"Fine we can keep him but I swear if he does anything evil he's out." "Yay!" Usagi cheered hugging Nephrite as he finished speaking.

"Hey if we did this with the rest of the generals do you think we can keep them too?" Minako asked looking at Mamoru with pleading eyes.

"Maybe but there's only two left and I don't know how I feel about Usagi being near them."

"Two left?" Nephrite asked.

"Yea Jadeite died," Minako supplied his answer giving him a lot to think about.

Anyway the next three days were going to be cram packed as it were so maybe they could do it afterwards?...

"Jadeite that stupid bastards not dead he's just asleep," Nephrite said looking at the unconvincing faces.

"Well I can't be part of this I have a test to take and I am unprepared, see you guys soon." Usagi left with that piece, not thinking of what would become of her in the future.

When they heard the door to the apartment shut they all looked at each other with a look.

"We're getting Jadeite out right?" Minako asked looking at Mamoru.

He looked into her blue eyes with tears forming, god knows he couldn't handle blonde people crying from many experiences. With a grumble he replied, "Fine, but we're going to need a plan.

"Yay!" Minako cheered jumping up and down. "Though he's not staying at my place, see you tomorrow!" She pointed at the ex-dark general and bolted out the apartment with her goodbye.

"Are they all like that?" Nephrite had wide eyes and pointed towards the door that the two blondes walked out of.

"Thankfully no," the other male in the room responded with a hand to his face. "Come on I have a spare room you can stay in."


	3. Chapter 3

**Lol this is a continuation of the first two chapters just hours later after the first one. I don't feel the need to right out the ages again even though I could just copy-n-paste. This may seemed rushed but I didn't really know how to add more to it but Happy New Years and I wish you all love and luck in this coming year to come. (I think I worded that one right) With love, Cimmimon!**

(couple of hours after the first chapter)

Two tables meant for four was pushed together filled with seven people who looked like the walking dead. A blonde male sat with a mug of coffee in front of him, bandaged on his chest and arms dressed in an old outfit that didn't exactly fit him. To his right sat a strawberry blonde fellow who was a bit on the shorter side dark circles hung under his eyes as he laid his head in his arms on top of the table. To the left of the blonde male sat a brown haired man. He was covered with scars on his face that looked very recent and were cleaned up very fast as dried blood still covered most the scratches. He was staring deeply into his coffee like it contained the secret to life. At the head of the table sat a silver haired fox, though he looked to be in his mid twenties. He by far was the most decent male at the table next to the ebony haired man to his right. Speaking of said man he had a blonde haired girl leaning on his shoulder restraining him from using his right arm for anything. Leaning on the blonde hair girl who was sound asleep was another blonde girl, shorter hair than the other, who was glaring daggers at the strawberry man across from her whom was staring back at her with a bit of fright and courage.

Now these people have been there for two hours now and only one of them had spoken the entire time, in which was an order of coffee around and to keep them coming. The staff there would look at them with judging and curious eyes as the group wouldn't move for minutes on end unless it was to take a drink from their mugs. Motoki, the manager at the time would occasionally glance at his friends from over the counter.

Of course Mamoru would tell him they were fine when ever he asked but Motoki was worrying over the blonde whos' bandages were bleeding through. If asked the blonde would gaze into his eyes then turn back to his coffee until he left him alone.

Now passing the six hour marker Motoki finally gained the courage to ask them what was up.

"Mamoru, Usagi, Minako, I'm really worried about you and your friends," with a glance to them all he looked back to his best friend. "I uh, don't really know what to say but you guys are really creeping me and the staff out."

Mamoru glanced up to his friends with a dead look in his eyes, "Can we have a menu."

THIS wasn't the response that Motoki had wanted, he wanted answers though everyone seemed to perk up at the request for the menu. Usagi who was awake now was trying to drink her coffee that had nine packets of sugar in it as she tried to get the sleep out of her though it was not working. Motoki came back to the table of seven with menus and stood there for three minutes with no response except the grabbing of menus. He left to the back to call the other girls in fear that something tragic did happen.

Everyone at the table grabbed a menu and started looking at it, minus Nephrite and Jadeite as they were trying to fix Jadeite's bloody bandages at the table gaining many disgusting looks from other customers. Zoisite had to have Minako help him with the menu as his eyes were adjusting to everything from staring at the T.V. screen up close he had been blurry vision for the time they had been there which should be awarded with some type of award. Usagi was too out of it to even know what was happening as she was reaching over Mamoru to poke at Malachite.

Having ordered food and being served the silence remained, even when the other girls had arrived. Rei was shouting at them only to receive a raised hand leaving her quiet and leaving after a minute. Ami that smart girl was frozen as her companion Makoto cracked her knuckles leaving a death threat to the men sitting at the table and dragged poor Ami out as she only received stares and silence.

It wasn't that these warriors were shocked into not speaking it's just they were for better words put feeling a mix of emotions to where they couldn't properly express them out. It reached closing time as Mamaru payed for what they had got and they left the place with nothing like a goodbye to the manager still worried over his friends who were acting mor strangely than they normally do.

The group of seven cramped together to fit into the small elevator in Mamoru's apartment building with the silence still continuing. Slowly entering the apartment they stared at the mess they had left.

"Well gentlemen and lady I am going to be watching T.V. in the back bedroom why you all clean up your mess!" Usagi cheered as she started walking away from her open mouthed companions.

"Can I come with you seeing as I was in a body bag?" Jadeite carefully asked receiving the warning looks from the others.

Usagi seemed to be thinking as she tilted her head, yes he was the cause of this but he was an unwilling party in the matter, "Sure!" She grabbed his hand and led him into the spare bedroom that had in her opinion a better space seeing as it wasn't as dark as Mamoru['s room.

Mamoru went to a side closet and brought out some cleaning supplies and handing them out to everyone. With a look of disdain Minako started to sweep the floor with a broom as Malachite and Mamoru lifted the furniture to its rightful place as Zoisite and Nephrite cleaned up the burn marks and broken glass with magic, though it was a pity the T.V. couldn't be fixed with magic something to do with "modern" technology and "not" used to it.

They cleaned well into the night and early morning having ordered a pizza between starting and finishing up, still the conversations were held at a minimum and no one daring to break that silence that held everything together. Looking in on Usagi and Jadeite, Usagi could be seen sprawled out on the bed and Jadeite hanging upside down off the end of the bed as the T.V. blurred terrible reruns of children's shows an empty pizza box lay on the floor.

With cleaning done of course our group of now five were sitting on the couch or floor just staring at the broken television. The apartment though not like how it used to look could be considered better than what it was earlier. An hour later and Zoisite and Nephrite were arguing on if stars could really talk and understand other entities seeing as they were just balls of gas. The other three in the room could only look on in amusement and egg them on in the conversation. Until well a loud beeping could be heard blaring from Minako's wrist and from the backroom.

"FUCK!" our glorious champion of the moon cursed dashing out of the room and into the living room to only be stared at by five sets of eyes. Laughing and scratching the back of her head she supplied a, "Youma?"

Of course the telling of the first battle of a youma together should be told in another story...


End file.
